Graceful Reiki

A Personal Story in my Journey with Reiki...

There was a time period where I was very focused on healing painful childhood memories. The relationship with my mother was a very strained one and while I’m a mother now and can relate to the challenges of being a parent, I found myself sitting with memories that I didn’t know how to let go of and resentments that I didn’t know how to release and move on from. 

I had heard about healing past hurts and traumas with reiki, but I was hesitant to try this method because I have always had a healthy distrust of charlatans and I don’t blindly trust anyone marketing themselves as a spiritual guru. Or maybe I just didn’t want to leave myself so vulnerable and end up crying in front of a complete stranger. Who knows. 
 
​But how could I truly move on?

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I thought I had accepted. I thought I had compassion. I thought I had forgiven. 

But these memories haunted me most of my adult life. 

 

In my mid-thirties I began to explore becoming my own healer, and I started to study reiki. And even though I didn’t know how yet,

I knew the energy of reiki. It was that same feeling and knowing, like the powerful love a baby must feel in the womb. 

 

I knew that I couldn’t hope to assist or understand others if I didn’t first face my own pain. Wisdom is only granted through experience. And as wise as I wanted to be… you can see where I’m going with this.  

 

One of the options in using reiki to self heal, is the ability to “decide” a time period to start from. Any period in your lifetime. So I sat and thought about it and when I was ready, I half jokingly said, “Let’s start at the zygote.” 

 

Having no expectations and not really thinking it would work, I remained open to whatever reiki would assist me with. I got ready, sat quietly and waited. 

 

And waited. 

 

And waited. 

 

And nothing was happening for me. I chalked it up to “I’m not good enough at reiki to do this” and was about to stop when I heard a loud clap of thunder. It startled me because I’m pretty sure it was a sunny day out. 

 

There was some cracking, flashes of lightening, and some more thunder. I quickly understood I was at the moment of the zygote. 

 

With my eyes still closed, I felt an internal calmness and a sudden awareness that I exist. Some call it the “I am”. To me, I just was an observer with the awareness that I existed. 

 

As time progressed, I felt a sense of love that existed outside of me. Apart from me. But I know it wasn’t my mothers’ love. It was something bigger. Something incredibly powerful, yet gentle and benevolent beyond measure. 

I’ve come to understand now that there is a force that exists beyond what we can harness, hold and feel with our senses. 

It’s an undeniable knowing that anchors an immovable conviction. Some call it reiki. Some call it God. Some call it the universe.

I don’t know what to name it. But I couldn’t deny this permeating presence.

 

As my development in the womb continued, I was able to sense a feeling in my mother. A deep sadness that wasn’t rooted in “why me?”, but a very genuine and human emotion of deep hurt. 

 

My mother isn’t someone who shows her vulnerability to others, she just carries her pains quietly. Some people are built like that. We have that in common. 

 

I also felt my mum was very scared. Scared of the future. Scared because of an unplanned pregnancy with no husband to provide and protect and scared because she didn’t know how she was going to be a parent, how to raise me, or what to do. The fear wasn’t rooted in anxiousness or neuroticism, but a deep feeling of plea and hoping that the universe would help her.

Help us. 

 

This experience with reiki opened my eyes and heart far beyond what I can describe here. 

 

I realized my mother is a woman who is as vulnerable as me. Has the same desires and needs for love and acceptance as me.

The same fragility. The same devotion. The same hope. It was so moving, it brought me to tears. 

 

This deep knowing. This experience left me with a deep sense of compassion. It was like a new memory, one that was built into me that I could lean on while I worked on releasing the old hurt And as a result, I was able to accept, forgive, and let go.